A ‘Sober Sexpert’ Founded a Vinegary Non-Alcoholic Brand — and it Just Landed in a Michelin Star Restaurant

Tawny Lara, aka “The Sober Sexpert,” shared her thoughts on dry dating for Valentine’s Day and chatted about her nonalcoholic brand, Parentheses. (Photo: Tawny Lara)

For Valentine’s Day, we decided to talk to the self-appointed “Sober Sexpert,” since Valentine’s Day is a holiday that’s all about love and, of course, pleasure. There’s something quintessentially romantic about popping a bottle of champagne — or maybe drinking a couple fingers of scotch — with that special someone. For decades, alcohol has been inextricably linked with pleasure and, naturally, sex appeal. After all, Marilyn Monroe didn’t bathe in 350 bottles of champagne for nothing.

Conversely, attitudes about sobriety swing on the opposite side of the spectrum. Culturally, we often stereotype individuals who choose to do without booze as possessing exceptional amounts of restraint and control. Sobriety is alcohol’s joyless, puritanical sister. It can’t be pleasurable — after all, Dry January is a miserable slog, right? Yet, with rising concerns about alcohol’s effect on both mental and physical health, a burgeoning push for sobriety is growing.

The Sober Curious movement is gaining meteoric momentum; if anything, it generates polarizing reactions. People aboard the no-alcohol train tout self-improvement, health, restraint and wellness as benefits. Those opposed critique it mercilessly, citing the movement’s so-called self-righteousness and a lack of coolness — whatever that means. But above all else, some in the pro-alcohol camp seem to find it hard to believe that a life without booze can be pleasurable — let alone fun.

Tawny Lara is proof that such a life exists. With her curly hair, colorful tattoos, violet nails and big laugh, you can tell she’s no stranger to having fun. Lara wears many hats: she is a journalist who has written for publications like Playboy, Men’s Health and The Huffington Post. She’s an entrepreneur within the zero-proof beverage space with her brand Parentheses, a small-batched line of botanical spirits that she runs with her husband, Nick, a sommelier. Lara also wears another hat: that of the Sober Sexpert.

A ‘Sober Sexpert’ Discusses The Merits of Dry Dating

In September 2023, Lara published “Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze.”

This irreverent and educational book takes a deep dive into sex and dating without alcohol. Lara quit drinking after realizing her alcohol use was inhibiting her life in a lot of ways. In the book, she interweaves her personal life into a narrative chock full of interviews, infographics and studies examining alcohol’s potentially adverse effects on dating and relationships. She claims alcohol put her in dangerous situations where she made bad choices in terms of relationships and sexual partners.

“Dry Humping” centers around the idea that to pursue genuine, meaningful relationships involving boundaries and healthy communication skills, it’s probably best to keep boozing at a minimum. The book examines the relationship issues drinkers often face and refers to alcohol as liquid courage, a security blanket used to generate an artificial confidence when meeting romantic partners and exploring new things in the bedroom.

Though Lara chooses to be sober now, she will be the first to tell you she isn’t anti-alcohol and adores whiskey.

Will she ever drink again? She’s taking it one day at a time. Lara’s book touts the merits of dry dating, claiming sober dates and sober sex can actually be more enjoyable without that extra liquid courage, and scientifically, the evidence backs that up. Alcohol is a depressant, and when used as a numbing agent it can shut everything down.

“I quote the amazing Brené Brown,” Lara said during an interview with Bottle Raiders. “She says, ‘You cannot selectively numb emotions.’ So, if you are drinking alcohol to feel less anxious, the alcohol doesn’t just go to the anxious part of your brain. It’s numbing everything on an emotional and a physical level. Yes, you’re numbing your anxiety, but you’re also numbing your inhibitions. You’re numbing your common sense. On a physical level alcohol is a central nervous system suppressant, so you’re not feeling pleasure as much as you could be.”

Lara claims she wrote “Dry Humping” because it was the book she needed to read when she was newly sober. She quit in 2015, before the term “Sober Curious” was on anybody’s radar.

“Nobody was writing about this. Nobody was talking about this. So, I ultimately just started researching the subject of sober sex and dating both personally and as a journalist,” Lara explained. “Me talking about this publicly showed me that I wasn’t alone in this and that people do need resources on how to navigate dating and sex, communication and boundaries. Yes, without alcohol, but it’s more about without that liquid courage aspect.”

She went on to explain that some folks can drink a glass of alcohol and stop at one, yet the issue Dry Humping examines involves the “why” around heavy drinking.

“It’s all about why,” Lara said. “Like, if you think drunk sex is better: why? These are great questions to ask yourself, and only you are going to know the answer to them. If you think that drunk sex is better because there’s no inhibitions or you feel more comfortable to ask for what you want, these are the deep soul-searching questions I want people to get from this book.”

In “Dry Humping,” the Sober Sexpert chats about how a lot of sex parties don’t allow alcohol or have a drink maximum. The reasons center around consent and the fact that alcohol inhibits the central nervous system. In the book. Lara interviews kinkmaster and author of the book “Boy Slut,” Zachary Zane, about his experience at play parties, specifically within the BDSM community.

“Drinking is typically discouraged at sex parties,” Zane said in the book. “When you’re drunk, you not only cannot give consent, but you’re also less likely to pick up any nonverbal cues when flirting with someone. Not to mention that it is dangerous to engage in BDSM sex when one person is inebriated. So, unexpectedly sex parties are some of the most welcoming places for folks who are sober!”

The author is not alone in her observations centering on booze and romance. She seems to be onto something bigger; Axios predicted that Dry Dating will be one of the major relationship-oriented trends in 2025 — in addition to golden retriever partners, black cat girlfriends and hot rodent boyfriends, a la Timothée Chalamet.

Lara’s book and her non-alc brand, Parentheses. (Photo: Tawny Lara)

About Parentheses: A Zero-Proof Botanical Spirit

Lara launched Parentheses with her husband in December 2023. The zero-ABV botanical spirits brand currently has two core expressions within its portfolio: Before and After. Both are priced at $27 for a 375-milliliter bottle.

Parentheses currently features two zero-proof spirits within its portfolio: “Before” and “After.” Before is meant to mimic an aperitivo and stimulate the appetite. Its smokier sibling, After, is inspired by digestifs and amari, making it a go-to option for a post-dinner tipple. Lara says After was specifically designed to have a savory profile to cater to whiskey drinkers like her.

“I was a whiskey drinker, and I really missed having a stiff drink when I quit drinking,” Lara explained. “A lot of the nonalcoholic whiskeys that are out today either use glycerin or water to extract the botanicals, leaving either a sweet or watery drink. And that’s just not going to compare to oak aging whiskey in oak barrels for 10 or 12 years.”

Her husband helped explain why she wasn’t enjoying a lot of the nonalcoholic whiskeys, which he understood due to his background in the beverage industry. He began experimenting with fermentation — partially as a hobby and partially to help create a beverage she could enjoy.

“He read an article in the New York Times on how to make vinegar, and so he was like, ‘I’ll try it, why not?’ So ultimately, it was really him working on that hobby and me trying to find the right strong drink. Parentheses is an intense, bold flavor for that reason. A lot of nonalcoholic drinks are very sugary or watery, and we went in the opposite direction: we went acidic AF.”

She explained Nick’s fermentation journey involved liquors and wines, but they ultimately settled on seaweed from Maine due to its briny profile and structure.

“He tried several different types of seaweed, and we went with sugar kelp for the before and dolce for the after. We found that the seaweed provides a nice amount of salinity and viscosity, which you’re not going to get from water or glycerin, which is typically used in no-alc drinks.”

Lara believes Parentheses has had a successful start, particularly among beverage industry professionals. The brand just landed a placement at a two-Michelin star restaurant called Aska in Brooklyn’s Williamsburg neighborhood.

“We joke that we can’t afford to go there,” she quipped.

Kidding aside, Lara takes Parentheses seriously and explained that they want to keep it small and craft. She’s hoping the brand keeps its bespoke nature yet has a steady supply of orders and is well-respected within the non-alc and big-alc spaces alike. Yet, running Parentheses does have its challenges.

“A lot of people who work in non-alc don’t really get what we’re doing,” she said. “Because it’s not a direct analogue. They want a whiskey analogue, a tequila analogue, a nonalcoholic wine, something they can already speak to.”

And Parentheses certainly isn’t an analogue for anything we’ve seen in the zero proof space — this beverage is doing something entirely new. Before’s citrus-driven and briny profile is bright and fresh, yet it has a hefty texture, making it great in a non-alcoholic cobbler. For dry drinkers that are into spritzers, a simple splash of tonic water or Topo Chico coupled with a finger of Before makes a refreshingly light yet savory spritz. After is earthy and savory, and one sip of it is like a walk in the woods in liquid form. With its herbaceous and umami component, After would make a deliciously dark nonalcoholic Sidecar or would even be good in a non-alcoholic toddy with plenty of herbs.

It seems the people who are responding well to Parentheses so far work within the beverage industry and treat Parentheses “kind of like an amaro,” according to Lara. As for the non-alcoholic industry at large and its often contentious relationship with big alcohol, Lara wishes both industries could work together but understands the difficulties considering the alcohol industry likely views the no-and-low side as competition, which makes sense. A study at Penn State found that 82% of non-alcoholic drink buyers are also buying drinks that contain liquor.

“It’s cutting into money,” Lara said. “People who own vineyards are talking about how the non-alc movement is impacting their business.”

Yet, she believes both industries need each other.

“It would just be better and more thoughtful if people in the alcohol industry can talk to people in the nonalcoholic industry,” she explained. “Instead of Sam Adams launching a nonalcoholic Sam Adams, they can just listen to what people actually want. By spending time in nonalcoholic bottle shops, I hear the questions people ask, and nobody is able to answer them in the big alc space.”

Without a doubt, Lara and her husband are doing something innovative within the non-alc space, and if you’d like to hear what we thought about the brand’s two flagship expressions, Before and After, you can view the reviews here.

How to Date Without Booze

If you’re looking to date without alcohol, Lara has some tips.

“I’m a big fan of experiential dates or hangouts,” she said. “When you meet for drinks, you’re just sitting next to each other at a bar or just staring at each other. Even meeting for coffee, it’s the exact same thing. I encourage people to do some kind of activity. Go to a museum, go to a botanical garden, go do something. And for two main reasons: One, the movement quite literally helps you get those jitters out, and second, if you are at a museum and if you guys are looking at a sculpture, it gives you guys something to talk about instead of staring at each other and saying, ‘Where are you from? Where did you grow up? What do you do for a living?'”

Lara believes sharing new experiences with a new romantic partner can stimulate scintillating conversation. If you’re feeling nervous before a new date, she recommends exercising to get those nerves under control — or snap a cute selfie and send it to the group chat for some added encouragement from your friends.

But the biggest thing Lara urges sober or sober curious folks to do is date themselves first:

“If you can’t love yourself without alcohol, how are you going to love anyone else or let anyone else love you properly until you’ve addressed the reasons why you’ve relied on that liquid courage?”