Drunk Man Arrested After Defecating on Car, Later Tells Nurses His Blood is ‘Pure. Natural. Ice.’

An opened “Tall Boy” can of Natural Ice was found in the man’s car prior to arrest. (Photo: Anheuser-Busch)

A man in Kalamazoo County, Michigan, was arrested in early December after he was found drinking in a state hunting area while listening to owls. After being approached by conservation officers (COs), the drunk man defecated on his PT Cruiser and later told nurses that his blood was “all beer,” reported Mlive.

According to the report, COs Cameron Wright and Joshua Salas found the man parked at one of the Gourdneck State Game Area entrances. He informed the COs that he wanted to be left alone, as he was there to listen to owls. 

However, an opened “Tall Boy” can of Natural Ice was seen in his car’s cupholder. When asked “on a scale of 1 to 10 how drunk he was,” the man said, “I’m at a 5. I’ll be honest I’m drunk,” reported Mlive.

Natural Ice is an Anheuser-Busch-owned beer brand known for its inexpensive pricing and unique ice-brewing process. The American Adjunct Lager-styled beer is taken to a below-freezing temperature, leading to ice crystals forming. The 5.9% ABV beer is described as rich and smooth in taste.

As sobriety tests were being directed, the man reportedly “made a face of shock” and defecated on the rear bumper of his car with his pants dropped down to his ankles. 

Mlive reported that he was arrested and transported to a hospital for a blood draw.

While on the way to the hospital, the man said, “Man, I’m the drunk one here and I have to give you directions on how to take me to jail you moron,” per Mlive. Apparently, one of the COs use of a GPS urged the man to speak up about his own navigational capabilities.

During a blood draw performed by hospital staff, the man told the nurses that his blood was “all beer.”

“Not going to lie to you. Pure. Natural. Ice,” he said, according to Mlive.

Mlive reported that charges had been submitted to a prosecutor’s office for review after the man was placed in the Kalamazoo County Jail.

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